The Trip Begins

I said I would outline the details of our Seabourn cruise along the French and Italian Rivieras so that you could share the excitement of our journey. Unfortunately in my enthusiasm I started in the middle and left a lot of my newsletter recipients hanging in mid-air. Before I make the same mistake again, let me say that those of you who would like to receive my FREE newsletter can sign up on Krazyduck.com by e mailing us some location where we can reach you. And, if you are not on the Net, just drop us a line or post card at Krazy Duck Productions, Box 105, Danville, KY 40423. End of story.

We began our trip by driving to Atlanta airport and taking the nine hour flight to Frankfort, Germany. Although my book, Tears and Tales, was displayed at the Frankfurt International Trade Show, this was the first time I ever visited Frankfurt. We then hopped a flight to Nice, France, and were taxied into Monte Carlo.

Our driver was kind enough to point out the place where Princess Grace had the automobile accident that killed her. Although Monte Carlo is currently ruled by a Prince, it’s the consensus that eventually it will be taken over by the French because the French government provides a good deal of administrative services to the country.

One is struck by the degree of wealth in Monte Carlo. It truly is the playground of the rich. On the waterfront street where Virginia and I walked, they had three ATM machines in a two block radius (yes, they are bilingual) and nearly a thousand within Monte Carlo itself. We did not visit the casinos because the authorities have placed an escalator taking tourist to the upper level BUT the next level is a very steep climb and there is no other transportation than the legs. Unless one is in superior physical condition, OR has a private vehicle, he is not walking uphill to the casino. And most patrons do not fly into Nice. They take their private airplane and fly into Monte Carlo itself.

At one point in time, the dress code of black tie and tail or evening gown was strictly enforced as well as proof of financial capability. The rules have somewhat relaxed, but not to the degree of Vegas or Atlantic City. I also understand that there are no tables with a limit of less than three-thousand Euros (roughly $3,780.00) Now, it is impossible to outline our entire trip in a single blog you will have to tune in next time for more details OR sign up for our newsletter which will give more detail than the blog. Thanks for tuning in.

Cruising

Virginia and I drove to Atlanta, Georgia, where he boarded a flight to Nice, France, and a two week cruise down the western coast of Italy. In Nice we were met by our transfer agent and drive to Monte Carlo…land of the rich and famous where there is a private airport filled with large, private jet planes -- none of which cost less than 1.5 million. The fact that we had to pass through security twice in Atlanta tells you the sorry state of the world, but coming home, we had to clear no less than five security points before we got on the plane in Nice and then another two in JFK where we had a three hour layover and a lousy lunch that cost us $39.00 and took all our ingenuity to obtain in the first place.

I can’t tell you the number of people who purchased duty-free items in the airport and on the plane only to find they had to discard them at security because they exceeded the regulations. Items such as Chanel # 5 and expensive wines could not be carried on the plane. So, if the purchaser didn’t think to put them in his checked luggage, out the duty free item went.

By the way, does anyone know what the #5 stands for after Chanel? Well, it means there are five ingredients or separate fragrances in the perfume. We were actually in the place where the flowers are grown to make all the perfumes produced in France.

We also learned that originally the people who tested these fragrances were called “noses”, but now they are called something like fragrance engineers. They are only able to work a few hours a day because their noses become clogged with the scents and, if you think the life of a “nose” is easy, they sign a contract foregoing certain kinds of foods, all alcoholic beverages, no night life, no cosmetics of their own, etc. Most of them cover their noses before they arrive at work so they do not contaminate their ability to test the various fragrances.

All of this did not interest the security people of the TSA, who are very polite and courteous, but strictly adhere to their job description. So if you want to import items which are now illegal to bring in on carry-on luggage, do what the rest of the world is doing…give it to the border jumpers and they’ll smuggle it across the border for you.

Once we were on the Seabourn Legend, life took a turn for the better. Substantially better. We signed on for a cruise of the French and Italian Riviera as well as the Amalfi Coast. Among our highlights were Corsica, Sardinia, Sicily, Elba, Carthage (Tunesia) and Pompeii, the ancient city buried by the volcanic eruption of Mount Vesuvius in A.D. 79.

Seabourn specializes in small ships with no more than two-hundred ten passengers and about 150 crew members. So when we approached the yacht, moored in Monte Carlo, they literally rolled out the red carpet, the blue and white canopy of Seabourn, along with cold refreshments as well as hors d’oeuvres.

Halloween

November 1, 2006

I remember the Halloweens I celebrated at a child growing up in Newark, N. J. Things were safe then. No razor blades or poisons in the candy. No weirdoes inviting you into the house for illicit sex. No, Halloween was fun back then.

All the kids decided on their various costumes---which didn’t seem to vary much from year to year. It seemed we took turns with costumes so that one year I would be a pirate and the next year it might be Nicky or Johnny Rainy. We’d parade around the streets, tripping over costumes that were too long for us, and dragging our candy bags along behind us.

Each door was a new experience for us. Some people gave us fruit, some candy, some cookies. Others baked special goods. Cookies in the shapes of witches, devils, that kind of thing. Many times we were invited in, given some hot cider or juice, allowed to show off our costumes. And then of course the guessing games where the host tried to identify each kid. They always seemed to manage that rather well.

Nicky and Gino had really neat parents, especially Danny the father. He was a real clown, full of fun, always coming up with new ideas. And they always had a party for Halloween, so after we got done trick or treating, we all traipsed up to their second floor home and indulged in more goodies and games.

The first year I went, they were having different kinds of tricks. Each kid who performed his trick got a special prize. This was usually a Captain Midnight special message ring or Lone Ranger key ring. My project was to blow a ping pong ball off a shoe box. That seemed simple enough even for a kid with asthma. They balanced the ball on the box, letting me see it roll off a few times and they finally got it stabilized. My hands were tied behind my back and a whistle sounded. I had ten seconds to blow the ball off the box.

I gave a little puff, thinking that would be more than enough and I admit I was feeling pretty smug about the easy trick I had drawn. But the ball didn’t move much. I decided I hadn’t blown hard enough and so I gave a stronger puff. The ball still didn’t move. And then, I exhaled a mighty blast, taking in every ounce of air I could and expelling it right behind the ball.

Nothing.

And there was nothing because they had stuck the ball to the box with chewing gum. When they tried to suck the ball up with a vacuum cleaner, it lifted the whole box…but the ball stayed put. Well, we all had a hell of a laugh and it was a fun time I have remembered all these years. I remember ducking for apples in a large basin. Danny carefully greased each apple with butter and more than one kid—hands behind his back—lost it and went face down into the basin. And he couldn’t “trap” the apple either. He had to seize it in his teeth while it was bobbing up and down.

I guess the parties lasted until we were all about fourteen. We didn’t have a lot of money so the costumes had to be original and we tended to keep it simple. It was almost more make-up than costume.
Nothing fancy like robots or space creatures. We did bandits and Indians, pirates, cowboys, ghosts (what could be simpler than a sheet with holes in it).

When I think of the precautions we must take today, I realize how far this nation has come down the wrong road. Undoubtedly the drugs have played a substantial role. Liberal courts have played another letting sex offender off with light treatment. Parents no longer monitor their kids as ours did. (most anyway) Our parents knew where we were and who we were with, not to mention what time the party was over and what time we should be home.

If you got snotty with a neighbor or disrespectful to an adult, you heard about it from your mother or father. But if you needed help, that same neighbor was there to give it and there was no danger. I wish that were true today.

For the last two years our neighbors have reinstated Halloween Parties. Last year I went as a Mexican. This year, I went as a cowboy, completely with unloaded six-shooter. I also get to make the punch. Last year an unsuspecting participant had a little too much punch and spent most of the night giggling, in between trips to the bathroom. Since the girls chose the last two events, the boys get to choose next year.

I suggested we go as pirates, not very original but it does have an upside. As pirates, we get to burn villages, pillage for gold and jewels and rape all the pretty women. We can even make someone walk the plank. What are my chances of all this happening? About as good as making the New York Times Best Seller’s list with my book Tears and Tales … which incidentally can be ordered by contacting Russ@krazyduck.com $16.95, free shipping and I’ll autograph it for you. Ah yes, that was Halloween before the madness that is now upon us.

Russell